


I could never leave you.

by Save_Your_Brother_And_My_Unicorn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Happy, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:50:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4101592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Save_Your_Brother_And_My_Unicorn/pseuds/Save_Your_Brother_And_My_Unicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Imagine Castiel loving the reader. Reader has loved Castiel for awhile. But reader is slowly going due to an illness, (Your decision). Castiel does something to help the reader live longer. Will it be a happy or sad ending? Your choice again!</p><p>Prompt from >>>Ashley_Winchester_77</p>
            </blockquote>





	I could never leave you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ashley_Winchester_77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley_Winchester_77/gifts).



Hunters are supposed to be at the top of their game whenever they fight monsters. So why have you been so at the bottom yours lately? It seems like anytime you try to do your job you can't.

A perfect example is this last Hunt that you and the Winchesters went on.

Usually whenever a vampire charges towards you, you move out of the way or slice it's head off with no hesitation... There was definitely hesitation. That entire Hunt and a few before you had been feeling tired and nauseous. It was almost like you were just dizzy all the time.

Sam and Dean were getting extremely concerned about you, but you kept telling them that you were fine and that it was just a little cold or flu. Cautiously they agreed to let it go, but every now and then you would catch them staring at you, and you knew that they hadn't let it go. They finally told you that you needed to see a doctor-  you were all on a Hunt, but it got completely screwed up and the demon killed four people because you had passed out from shortness of breath. Sam and Dean were too concerned about if you were going to live or die to gank the thing. Eventually they called Castiel and he brought you back to consciousness. The first thing you saw when you opened your (E/c) eyes was his brilliant shining blue one's.

So here you are, waiting in the hospital room. You couldn't help but let you mind wander as to what could be wrong with you.. _Do I have some sort of severe flu? Cold maybe?  Maybe the doctors wont find out what wrong with me because I was cursed by a witch.. Tormented by a restless spirit? Crowley? Lucifer?_ Any of the above would have been fine.

The doctor came back into the room slowly, he was gripping his clipboard with both hands and he pulled a stool over to you and sat down directly in front of you.

"So what do I got, Doc? Flu? Some sort of extreme cold?" you joked. The doctor only looked at you and cracked a smirk, the sadness never leaving his face.

"I'm sorry," he began to say. You focused immediately on the movement of his mouth when he told you what was wrong.

You kept a straight face throughout the news. You didn't cry, you didn't laugh nervously, you simply got up and excused yourself. The doctor let you leave, and he said goodbye with an "I'm sorry."

 _I'm sorry?_ you thought as you were driving back to the Bunker. _Sorry about what? It's not his fault that I'm sick.. I wonder when I should tell Sam, Dean, and Cas. Should I tell them? Yes, I have to. Wait, no, I don't want them to constantly worry about me.. Dean has had enough loss- Sam can't take much more- Cas.. Cas.._

"Cas.." you said out loud. His beautiful blue eyes flashing through your mind. What about Cas? What about your angel? You take a breath and a moment to remember everything that made you fall in love with the celestial being. His dark ruffled hair, those eyes, the way he would look at you and stare into your soul, when he would cock his head to the side in confusion, his inability to comprehend even the littlest of things.. Him. Everything about him is what made you fall head over heels, and now it doesn't matter i he knows that or not.

Everything suddenly seems so small to you. The world, the monsters, the Hunting.. The only things that matter are your family. Sam, Dean and Cas. They are your family.

Eventually you get back to the Bunker, and Sam and Dean are on you like panthers. Bombarding you with question after question about what did the doctor say? Are you sick? Are you okay? Do you need rest? Do you need water? Just need to lie down for a little bit? Question after question after question, and you couldn't take all of the suddenness of it.

"Guys," you interrupted Sam who was asking yet _another_ question, "I just want to be alone for a little bit.. Please" Sam and Dean looked at you in confusion, but they reluctantly agreed to give you some space.

You sat down on the sofa and placed your elbows on your knees and your face in your hands. You weren't going to cry, your eyes weren't even tearing up. You were just stressed about the whole thing, and that probably wasn't good for the you-know-what.

* * *

After a while of sitting in silence and thinking about what you were going to tell Sam and Dean, especially what you were going to tell Castiel, you got up of of the sofa and headed back to where Sam and Dean were standing in the kitchen. Apparently they had called their dear angelic friend to help you 'cope' with whatever was wrong.

Bravely and with the fear of the universe in you, you approached them. Sam was looked at you with his 'No matter what, I'm here for you' look, Dean with his 'Please don't tell me I'm going to lose you too' look, and Cas just looked confused. You laughed a little, Castiel was so adorable when he didn't understand things. You wanted to just keep him frozen like that forever. But you didn't have forever, you had now.

"Just don't.." you started to say, and you looked at your angel again, then back to the two brothers, "don't freak out. Okay? Promise me you won't do anything irrational."

Sam and Dean nodded their heads in silent agreement. _Oh god._ You thought, _When I tell Dean he is going to go break half of the Bunker apart._

You looked at Castiel, almost as if he knew what you were going to say, he was looking at you with the most compassion you had ever seen in a being. _That_ made you want to cry.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you were shaking. The tears were starting to blur you eyes, and you laughed a sad laugh.

"I have Leukemia."

 

All three of them men stared at you, the ground, and nothing. Your tears were threatening to spill over onto your already reddened cheeks, and you took a step towards them. You reached out to gently cup Dean's cheek, but he turned away from you and left all of you to go deal with his grief.

After waiting a couple of moments to see how the other two would react, you turned to see that Sam was looking at you with his puppy dog eyes, and had let his tears fall as he slowly walked out of the room in disbelief.

Now came the truly heartbreaking part. Castiel. Your angel. Your heart. How was he going to react? You looked him in the eyes to surprisingly see the same compassion that he had before you had even told them what was wrong.

"You okay?" you asked him, not knowing if speaking was the best thing to do at the moment.

"My vessel is physically healthy, yes." he replied with a face more serious than a brick. You laughed a little. That made you feel better, your angel always making you laugh and smile even at the most heartbreaking of moments.

"That's not what I meant, Cas." you said with a smile. He looked at you confused. "I mean, how do you feel right now? Not your vessel, or how your clothes feel. I guess I mean, what is your grace feeling right now?"

The angel in front of you stared for a moment. He had never really thought about how his grace felt in situations like this. He had the same feeling currently as he did whenever Gabriel died, or when Dean or Sam died. He blinked a couple more times, then answered you.

"My grace.." he began, almost unsure of how to word the sentence, ".. feels like it's.. hurting. Like a deeply burning, helpless feeling. Almost.. overpowering.. and unrelenting. It makes everything about my being feel weak."

You had backed up by this time. Completely against the wall opposite of him, and cupping your mouth, tears steaming down your face, and a feeling of pure sadness washing over you. Your breathing was rapid, and our heartbeat was unsteady.

Castiel noticed that your were unbalanced, and quickly walked over to you. "Are you in need of assistance?" he asked. "No." you replied, "It's just that, uhm, what you said about the deeply burning and the helplessness and the unrelenting? That's exactly how I have been feeling since I was told about.. it. I didn't know that you could feel emotions like that, Castiel."

"I feel emotions," he began as he helped you steady yourself "just like other being feel emotions. Like Sam, Dean, You, or anything else. I am just not very 'good' as you might say at showing or presenting those emotions."

Now you were curious, maybe now was your chance to tell him about how you felt. If he feels emotions like everyone, maybe there was a slight chance..

"What about love?" you asked a little more interested than you wanted to sound.

"Yes." he said without a moment's pass. His voice was deeper and more gruff than usual. Looking you deep in the eyes he continued on. "Love is the most powerful thing I feel. I feel it all the time, and even now I feel it."

"Now?" you inquires further, "Why are you feeling it now? I mean, all of those thing you said about feeling pain and hurt and burning and.." your face started to redden again with the thought that you were causing the being that you were in love with so much pain.

"(Y/n), listen to me. I feel all of those things _because_ I feel love. If I didn't feel pain and hurt when you told the three of us about your cancer, it would mean that I don't love you. Which I do." he finished his explanation by trailing off into sweet nothingness.

Now you were crying, but crying with tears of joy and love. For a moment it seemed that there was nothing but the two of your interlocking your arms. "I love you too, Castiel." you said, mimicking his earlier whisper.

"I know." he said. You looked at him confused. He knew? He knew all this time and never said anything?

"Why didn't you say anything to me, Castiel?" he asked, eager to know why he knew all this time and never once showed any sign of.. well.. knowing.

"I was afraid." he stated simply. Afraid? Afraid of what? You looked at him with your eyes begging him to tell you more. He understood what you were asking and continued. "I was afraid that If I told you that I knew you loved me, that you were become scared, or 'shut me out' as Sam and Dean say."

"But if you told me that you loved me too.. Cas. You are the most dimwitted, confused, rational, absent-minded angel I have ever met." you said. Your (E/c) eyes staring up into his blue ones once more. He stared at you, confused. Almost as if he didn't understand why you were saying these things after he had just helped you, and told you that he was in love with you.

"But you are also the most kind, caring, compassionate, sexy, funny, intelligent angel who is sassy and likes burritos and wears a dumb sexy trench coat, and oh just kiss me!" you shouted as you grabbed his trench lapels and kissed him.

* * *

Two years had passed since the news of your Leukemia, and your health had done nothing but deteriorate.

You and Cas had been in a relationship from that point on, but lately it seemed that your relationship was coming to an end. In fact, all of your relationships were coming to an end... Because you were dying.

The shortness of breath had gotten so bad that you could do barely anything without needing one of the boys to help you. You felt like a fourth wheel to be honest. The only thing you would look forward to during the day was seeing your angel when you would wake up, and when you would go to sleep. Sometimes, on rare occasions, Castiel wouldn't have any business going on up in Heaven, or he would blow off his angelic duties just to be with you.

Weeks had gone by and your health continued to fail you. Soon you would just sit in bed all day reading. Sam would bring you some of his favorite books from his childhood, or a book he had just finished reading. He would come back into your room periodically to talk about what all was happening in the chapter you were reading.

Dean would also bring you things to read.. But when he did you would have to remind him that you already have a boyfriend and don't need a porn magazine to see those images. He would laugh and check to make sure you were doing alright, then he would get back to his daily Hunter duties.

This particular day, after Sam had spoken to you about why the Aslan represented a higher power and Dean had checked your vitals to make sure you're doing alright, you began to feel fatigued. You had only sat in your bed all day, you shouldn't feel this tired, you never feel this tired.

"Cas.." you called weakly, you couldn't put too much effort into calling his name because it would cause you too much strain and eventually you would just end up sleeping more.

The blue eyes angel appeared and immediately was at your side.

"What is it, (Y/n)? Are you alright? Are you feeling any better?" he sounded so concerned when he talked, it was hard not to smile at his compassion. Oh how you just wanted to stare into those shining blue eyes for the rest of your life.

"Nothin's wrong, baby." you said calmly, "I just- Will you lay here with me? Please?" your eyes were more pleading then you were feeling, but that didn't matter, your angel happily agreed. He slowly and smoothly took off his trench coat to reveal his nice suit underneath. I was strange seeing him without his trench, but you didn't mind the slight change.

He laid his tan trench coat over top of you like a blanket, and laid down beside you. Your heads turned towards each other and you talked and he talked and you giggled and he looked at you in confusion, and the hours passed throughout the day. He got you lunch and dinner, and the two of you ate it together and it was one of the best days of your life. Just you and your angel talking and having fun in the simplest of ways.

It was around 1am and Castiel suddenly got off of the bed.

"You okay?" you asked. It wasn't like Cas lately to make such a sudden movement.

"I am being called back to Heaven." he replied, his face showed disappointment, and you knew why.

"I thought you liked being in Heaven.. it being.. well.. Heaven." you say carelessly.

"I'd rather stay here."

"I'd rather you stay here, too Cas."

"I'm being called back to Heaven, (Y/n). If I don't go-"

"Please don't leave me" you said quickly interrupting him. He looked at you once again in confusion, then that confusion turned into understanding, and he knelt down beside the bed, taking your hand in his. "I could never leave you." he says lovingly and passionately. He leans forward and plats a chaste kiss on your lips.

Once more he slides onto the bed with you, and soon you are asleep in his arms breathing softly.

He focuses all of his attention to your heartbeat.

Listening.

Listening.

Listening.

* * *

In the morning Sam and Dean were in the kitchen eating toaster strudels because Dean didn't want a healthy breakfast, and he threw away all of the eggs. Needless to say that Sam was not a happy camper.

Castiel slowly walked into the kitchen, his hair a mess from the previous night's sleep, and he was wearing his trench coat.

"Hey, Cas, buddy, where's uh, where's (Y/n)?" Dean said. Usually You were with Cas in the morning, but it wasn't unheard of for you to sleep in a little because of your constant fatigue.

"Please, Dean. Do not make me answer that." Cas said with a slight jab of sadness in his voice.

The two men stopped what they were doing, and looked at the angel. They had the same exact look on their faces. They both had that Winchester look of dread in their eyes, and they felt a sharp pain in their hearts, because they knew what had happened.

Castiel took it upon himself to explain to the brothers that you had died in your sleep, yes it was sad, but you had died happily and painlessly, and in his arms. You were happy when you died, you were dreaming about all four of TFW together and laughing and there were no sad faces. Only smiles.

They listened to him as he spoke. The more he spoke the more they understood that you were now in a better place.

Your angel explained to them that you were now running with your younger brother in the Garden of Eden, and you were the most happy you had ever been. You were in complete bliss, and he was going to make it his personal mission to make sure that you stayed in complete bliss.

He loved you.

He loves you.

 

Your beautiful blue eyed angel continued to watch over you in heaven for the rest of eternity.


End file.
